TRIBE WILL NOT BRING BREAD AND BUTTER TO YOUR TABLE

The current campaigns in the social media sites by famous bloggers and normal users that those of the Kikuyu ancestry command a giant share of the national cake is utter disgraceful. The Kikuyus numbers in Kenya notwithstanding, I have to say this men and women, like you and me have fought so hard their way up. 

Those spewing hate for this tribe should first read the history of our nation. The fight for independence in our country stems from Central Kenya, the upsurge of the MauMau movement-a group you all agree was monumental in our freedom- was a composition of Kikuyus. Dedan Kimathi, a man who died fighting for our country, was a Kikuyu. Well, that is historical; let us focus on the problem at hand.

A local blogger that I hold a lot of respect for sampled a section of top national offices whose occupancy is held by Kikuyus. He further, in an ironical twist, asked Kenyans to move on despite of the list he had selected. I believe in hard work, sitting in the social media and jobless corners and pointing accusing fingers to the Kikuyus for your misery will not cologne your life. Those jiggers that have found a breeding ground in the bodies of Kikuyus in Murang’a did not recognize that they actually command Kenya. The jiggers did not even think that the president of Kenya hails from that backyard. They ate and terribly left those Kikuyus in a miserable life. I went to Nyeri, where the outgoing president hails from, I thought that since the president is from there, the cost of living should definitely be down. But alas! I bought soap the same price I bought it in Kisumu. The same went for other products.

People who don’t care about the future of our nation are busy implanting a siege mentality into our minds. They are portraying Kikuyus as greed and unwanted people in the society, because this men and women due to their hardwork have effectively established business empires under their names.  

Fellow Kenyans, whether a Kuria or a Nubian becomes President, your life will still remain unchanged if you don’t take it upon yourself to transform it. William Ruto will not give you a call and elevate you. Fight for it. The youth have a critical role to play in shunning tribalism. I know of many people who don’t speak their native language, they only know of Swahili, English and the latest Sheng’. I know of people who have intermarried because love knows no tribe. Can’t this olive branch be extended to politics? Instead of accusing this men and women for who they are, let us look for ways that can make us work together for the greater good of our economy. The devolved system of governance is a wonderful style that will transform our country. Forget about leaders, think for yourself, how you will bring food to the table, how you will pay fees for you kids and how you will help others. It is possible, only if you stop creating a bad impression of other tribes. They never chose to be born there, God chose it that way.  

Why A Raila Win Will Be Safe For Kenya

That Kenya will go into a presidential run-off after the March 4 poll is now inevitable. According to the latest opinion polls trends, two candidates are presumably the front runners in the race. Jubilee coalition flag bearer Uhuru Kenyatta, is set to settle old scores with Cord coalition candidate Raila Odinga, a rivalry dated back to their fathers.
However, what remains to be a conjecture is the post-poll period. Muted tension has gripped the country, perhaps due to the 2007 general election grim experience. During that period, violence erupted in different places after the incubent, outgoing president Mwai Kibaki, was declared winner by the defunct Electoral Commission of Kenya Chairman Samuel Kivuitu and was hastily sworn in after the controversial announcement.

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Here is my hypothesis of what will likely happen after the March poll.
 A Raila Odinga win will not be surrounded by controversies and tension. The Jubilee bandwagon will concede defeat immediately after the poll. The Jubilee duo-Ruto and Uhuru- will not wish to tarnish their images that they have worked so hard to reclaim. Besides, their pending cases at the Hague-based court will dominate their agenda list. Their young age will also make them easily concede defeat. Their age allows them to fight for another day. 
However, a Uhuru win, will not augur well with the Cord battalion. A fleet of cases will pack the High Court and the Supreme Court that would be in place then. Activists will rush to court seeking an order to bar the duo from swearing in due to their Integrity. They shall use their pending charges at the ICC as their premises. Another group will go into court seeking for the nullification of the results because the duo will not be capable to lead the country as a result of their constant trips to the Hague.
As expected, the Supreme Court will throw out the cases and allow for the swearing in to continue as scheduled. That sounds like a recipe for violence.
And now a run-off-which i equate as the extra time footballing where a winner should be determined-will be done after intensive and heated campaign. The date in which the run-off will take place coincides with the date when the Jubilee duo will be expected to appear in court when their trials will be beginning. This works against the two considering that their rivals-most probably Cord- will use it as a campaigning tool.

Amani Coalition Running-mate Conundrum

 Musalia Mudavadi has been tagged as an opportunist and someone who loves free things. This was clearly demonstrated in 2002/2012 when a carrot was dangled to him and without hesitation, he took a bite and later regretted on both occasions. Amani coalition, the auspices that he will use in the presidential race was hurriedly formed after his gentleman's agreement with Jubilee's Uhuru Kenyatta collapsed.
After entering into a coalition with Kanu, it was widely expected that he would announce Gideon Moi as his running mate. He played a wild card on this issue. He has since left the masses guessing on his next move.
Here is my hypothesis on Mudavadi's next move. His eyes are firmly focused on the nomination process, being an opportunist, he knows bigwigs will be floored in the nomination exercise. A case example, Oburu Odinga flooring James Orengo to book ticket for the Siaya gubernatorial race. Mudavadi expects to choose one of the strongest losers in the nomination for this reserved slot. His arithmetic is that he will not offer Eugene Wamalwa leader of majority, he doesnt want to create regional imbalance. Instead the slot is likely going for Gideon Moi whose political strength in the Rift Valley is low but banks on his father's superiority to get a following.
Methinks that the plan may backfire, his opportunism may flop. Political alliances are aware of strong losers in the nomination process. That is why already, as indicated by Jubilee and Cord, mechanisms are in place to ensure those who loose arent left in the cold. MUSALIA MUDAVADI, NAME YOUR RUNNING MATE AND FACE THE REST OF THE TEAMS LIKE A REAL MAN. And if you can't Raila Odinga has on several occasions asked you to join his bandwagon. Do that, you have a bright political future but your hurry will burn that ambition like bush fire. I rest my case.

Kenyan Politicians And Footballers Resemble

Politicians are like a national team, when they play for their respective clubs, they appear to be enemies attacking each other and hurling abuses at each other in the field of play. But when on national duty, they hug and celebrate a goal together.
When our politicians are in the public arena, they abuse and abuse each other,making us actually believe that they are enemies indeed.However, when seated in parliament they agree on issues such as salary increment and send-off packages. We, the fans, on the other hand can even go to an extent of comitting suicide once we hear our favourite team lost.
We can initiate violence because politician X has lost to politician Y. Yet, just like footballers we praise, they dont know that you even exist. We go ahead and butcher each other for holding different political ideologies. We are the fans at the terraces, we pay the gate fee(Taxes) to pay the players, yet the players(Politicians) can deceive us to fight each other unnecessarily.
As campaigns heat up, it is saddening to see Kenyans stooping so low to worship politicians because they want a token, a token stolen from the public coffers. Our youths should learn that the country we call Kenya can only exist if they resolve to peacefully vote and keep off from violent acts. One stone can turn into two and then thousands creating a massive loss of property and wealth. Our economy was crippled after the 2007 elections, because we resolved to engage in violent acts after our preferred candidates, who by the way, are now 'enemies', lost 'unfairly'. The normal lifestyle was paralysed, we went to the streets chanting the "Haki yetu" slogan.We forgot the brotherhood, we forgot our pride.
The same memories may be rekindled if we continue with this trend. We should guard our nation like an egg. Our nation is so fragile that it cannot afford to be hurled with even one single stone. Forget about politics. Take your voters card, elect a mature and responsible leader and go home and continue with your daily chores. These politicians' families live in mansions abroad. When we will start fighting and shedding blood, he will fly away and join his happy family in Australia while your torched makuti house remin stranded in the hills of Gusii or in the lowland of the Coastal region. Pray for peace and prosperity for our beloved country and let us choose peace. Use your voters card, not stones.

Why Kenyans Must Vote The Current MPs Out

The book of 2 Samuel 2:13 clearly demonstrates the character that embeds in our legislators’ minds. In this book of the old testament thus states; The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him. "Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him." Davidburned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, "As surely as the LORD lives, the man who did this deserves to die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity."

It is a fact that the legislators live in high places, eating good food and driving Porsche cars when a simple taxpayer Kenyan is living in the slum and is not sure of the next meal. Apart from the hefty packages that will be drawn from the public coffers the members of parliament are also on a pension plan. It is draconian of the members of parliament to ignore the cry of Kenyans. And even as all this is taking place, a lot of questions remain unanswered; will those members who will retain their seats or get elected in other posts still be eligible for this send-off package? As a member of parliament of Othaya, will President Mwai Kibaki still get the send-off package apart from the one meant for the president? The same applies with the prime minister and his two deputies.

It is insatiable of the legislators to append themselves with the send-off packages when Kenyans are reeling in abject squalor. It is therefore prudent for president Mwai Kibaki to reject appending his signature on this dirty bill. If he does, then the smooth road of his legacy will be littered. Kenyans don’t forget mistakes no matter how an angel one has been.  And as this politicians criss-cross the country in their quest to remain in power, Kenyans should be made aware that the money that they will be given to act as bait is theirs.

The days when Kenyans could be lured by money to vote in a politician are long gone. Social media commentators and indeed the whole of social media have condemned the move by the legislatures to award themselves especially now that our economy is grappling with hardships.

Why Musalia Mudavadi's third force is likely to hurt Cord

Mudavadi's cobbling up of a third force hasn't been received with cheers from political rivals who perceive his candidacy as a threat. Analysts have also predicted that Mudavadi's entrance may create a run-off to determine Kenya's next President. But then, let us get real. Cord alliance is likely to suffer from this scenario. I have based my argument on the following premises; Mudavadi, hails from Western Kenya. It is a fact that he will shepherd the Luhya vote(third largest in population) to his side, a feat he is likely to achieve. The Luhyas, may disappoint Cord's point man in Western-Moses Wetang'ula because they will be poisoned by the siege mentality. They must have one of their own in state house. Such likelihood, will render Wetang'ula's presence in Cord irrelevant since he will not marshall the Luhya vote to rally behind Cord. Therefore, Western Kenya, home of Cord's presidential flag bearer will remain divided. Raila's full support will will only be isolated to the Luo Nyanza with Gusii vote still remaining to be a wild card.
Another big man in the Cord alliance Kalonzo Musyoka, may fail to bring in the desired numbers. With the presence of Charity Ngilu, the Kamba vote will remain divided.
Raila's popularity, yes, remains high. However, popularity in itself may not hand him the presidency. The pattern of voting in Kenya is based on the ethnic card, a card that has bee well played by the Jubilee alliance. For Raila to beat Uhuru, he should improvise a way to woo Mudavadi to his camp-in this case, during the run-off. Otherwise his chances still remain to be dim considering the fact that the Jubilee alliance has locked the Kikuyu vote, Kalenjin vote,and a section of the Northern Kenya vote. By getting real with issues, we will be discussing mature politic here. I am not in any way affiliated to Jubilee, in fact, i have a soft spot for Cord.
That is my analogy.

Let Us Get Real: Facing The Facts On The March Poll

 From my previous update on why Raila might lose in the March poll, i recieved overwhelming backlash from a rather perturbed section of the social media community. In their argument, the antagonists claimed that the Jubilee alliance will not ascend to power due to the yet-to-begin ICC trials. I find the argument not satisfactory. Once again, many were easily swayed from facing real issues affecting Kenyans. Today, we will debate on the impact of the ICC incase of Uhuru presidency. Those spreading unjustifiable propaganda that Kenya will face international economic sanctions if the Jubilee alliance forms the next government need to rethink again. It is even preposterous for us to compare Kenya with Sudan which has been declared to be a pariah state. Uhuru Kenyatta has made it clear that incase he wins the Presidency, he will coopertae with the ICC. The cooperation in itself will not chase away foreign investors, it will not cripple Kenya's economy. Bashir(Sudan) is having a hard time because he failed to coopertate with the ICC. The ICC issue is more than meets the eye. Did Ruto sponsor the violence that erupted in Kisumu? Did Uhuru sponsor the violence in Kibera? Or were they self-sponsored. I am not saying that Ocampo did a shoddy work, neither am i saying that the PEV victims shouldn't get justice,no. All am saying is the truthh that we think we know might be a tip of the iceberg. Uhuru-Sang-Ruto-Mutahaura who have been suspected to be the faces behind the post-poll violence, may be a cog in a big machine.

WHY JUBILEE WILL BEAT CORD

I fear that Raila Odinga might lose in the March poll. Here is why; The March election will be a contest between the old generation(CORD) and the modern, otherwise digital generation(Jubilee). Majority of the voters lie in the latter's bracket in terms of age. The representation of the youth in the Cord alliance is  scanty as compared to the Jubilee alliance. The top three people in Cord(Wetang'ula, Raila and Kalonzo) are above 50 whereas the Jubilee alliance is a composition of men below the age of 50. That is a factor. Cord's sidelining of the youth is a clear indication that they do not have the interests of the youth at heart. The youth, who have the wherewithal to proppel someone to the House on the hill will be more secure in the Jubilee alliance rather than Cord.
Another factor is women representation. In the Cord's hierarchy, women are not richly represented as compared to Jubilee where Charity Ngilu is among the Jubilee's decision makers. That sends jitters down my spine. I fear that failure by Cord to respect the gender rule in its organ, will work against them in the coming general election. Women will feel that they will not have a mouthpiece in the Cord's regime as compared to that of Jubilee where they will bank their hopes on Charity Ngilu who has even included the Women Agenda in her manifesto that Uhuru-Ruto team pledged to honour.
Thirdly, those who surround Raila are a liability. Ranging from Jakoyo Midiwo to Anyang' Nyong'o, these people are known to be arrogant and not to be trusted. The way Anyang' Nyong'o has approached the issue on Nurses strike has put a stain on his managerial skills. His arrogance and threats might be a sign of a dictatorial rule. Kenyans will shy away from voting in leaders who are likely not going to listen to their pleas. Leaders who instead finding an amicable solution when there is an industrial action, use threats to compel the minors to submit. That is not where we want to go. Kenyans want a government that listens to them and acts to the good of the public. Nyong'o has watched patients suffer when the Nurses were on strike, he, instead of demonstrating good managerial skills, littered the public with threats to Nurses.
Also, the inside steak that made up ODM disintegrated into other parties. As much as i want to believe that those who made the exodus were of selfish minds, i am compelled to question the real reason. There is a Swahili saying "Ajuaye adhabu ya kaburi ni maiti"(He who knows the grave is the corpse). Those who exited did so with a motive. We cannot assume that. Something is really wrong in the Raila's camp.

MAU FOREST WAS A WORTH CAUSE

 A Scania bus was driving down a cliff at a very high speed.As it reached in the middle of the cliff, a woman who didn't notice the bus was crossing. Coincidentally, the woman crossing was the driver's fiancee. The mother of his kids. The Scania bus driver had to quickly decide.He had only two option.Would he risk the lives of the many people he was carrying by making an emergency break which could roll the bus or would he just ram on the woman to save the passengers. Brave as he was,he opted for the latter. He knew what he had lost but then had to do it for the sake of the many passengers he was carrying.He quickly stopped the bus a few metres ahead to try and save the woman's fading life but it was rather too late. They reached when she was taking the last breath. Ofcourse the driver was crestfallen. Upon receiving the news, the family of the woman's side blamed the driver and hurled abuses at him. They completely disengaged with him. They even took his kids away. However, those who knew that decisions made out of anger never last comforted the driver hailing his brevity. It was a worthy cause.
That is the kind of debacle that Raila Odinga is facing from the Kalenjin people. They are blaming him fronting for the evictions of the Mau forest squatters. After his brevity in evicting squatters from Kenya's major water tower, leaders from the region saw an opening to launch a backlash. Led by William Ruto, they stormed out of ODM.

WATER AND OIL: ELUDED PRESIDENCY

The Kikuyu vote is hermetic, seldom do they endorse an outsider.I am not a hater, neither am i propagating tribalism here. I arrived at this conclusion after constructing viable premises. Here we go; The period that preceded Kenya's independence provided an opportunity for the late Jaramogi Oginga Odinga a clear opportunity to be president. But instead of grabbing this opportunity, he demonstrated a rare fete, he opted to preserve this coveted seat to the detained Mzee Jomo Kenyatta. And that is how the Presidency eluded the Luo community- to date. Although he was made Kenya's first Vice President, he would later fall out with Mzee in 1966 after serving on a short stint. Then, one of the architects of Kenya's economic development Tom Mboya, the man who was making long strides towards succeeding Mzee Jomo, was assassinated July 5, 1969. It is a muted truth that those behind his brutal killing were the powerful people who didn't want him to take the mantle from Kenyatta. Well, several years passed on, Moi took over the reigns of power, the 1982's failed coup de tat, in which the Odingas were widely mentioned. However,Odinga would mount a powerful rebellion in the late 80s to push for a multi party Kenya. He succeeded and for the first time, the presidency had come a reality for Jaramogi after he was made the Chairman for the FORD party, a party that appeared strong enough to pluck KANU's Moi from State House. The dream was short-lived. Matiba, who was entrusted to deliver the Central Kenya vote disengaged from FORD to form FORD-Asili. Matiba finished second in the hotly contested 1992 general election. If he had partnered with Jaramogi, surely, the arithmetic could have been different. Unfortunately, Jaramogi died January 1994.

Mudavadi Duped Once Again

Mudavadi once said that powerful people in the Government were out to sour his relationship with Raila.Indeed they managed to do that. They dangled a carrot for Mudavadi and he ran for it. Now he is a stranded man, out of options. His political career was shining, he was assured of a second slot while in ODM until he felt he was a man,politically mature to ran on his own. In 2007, Raila chose him as running mate over William Ruto. Remember Ruto had the numbers yet Odinga chose to ignore him and went for Mudavadi. It is Raila who saved Mudavadi's career, he was kicked out even in his home turf during the 2002 elections when he was duped with a short tenure vice presidency. Truly, Mudavadi has demonstrated that he cannot be entrusted with the affairs of the nation. He is the water melon. A man of mistakes he is. After dumping ODM citing a disagreement over nomination process method of delegates versus county, Mudavadi launched his presidential ambition under the umbrella of UDF. His political insurgence was fast. He however didn't reach the finish line. The same forces that mislead him in 2002 knocked again. He swallowed the bait oblivious of the dangers he was posing on his political career. Ironically, he even embraced the delegate system of nomination which he had vehemently opposed while in ODM. Even to that, he was dumped rudely. He is no longer the Western region point-man. He rubbished the wisdom of the late Martin Shikuku. My advise to the Luhya vote is simple. Elect leadership that will steer not only your region but a country as a whole to a whole new level. Be wise. Don't be swayed by money. I rest my case.

WHY ASPIRANTS ARE FLOCKING TO MY HOMESTEAD

By now, even a 5-month kid knows how famous and influential I am in Maji Mafupi village and beyond borders. Many, like Sitayi ofcourse cannot accept the fact that I have fought tooth and nail to gain the undisputed fame. He, like a standard two kid, argues that I used a back door to gain my fame. Well, as you know, Sitayi is a ‘mkono birika’ type of people. Not even his nuclear family likes him. You see, after the tea bonus that saw Sitayi laugh all the way to the bank with a cheque worth 7,627 shillings, the man showcased his gluttonous nature after spending nearly everything in Borabu hotel leaving his family wallowing with hunger pangs. That is Sitayi for you. Of course he has waged a losing war against a solid rock like me.

Anyway, leave Sitayi alone. He is not worth my airtime here. You see, after the political realignment in our country, political aspirants have got themselves into a tough terrain. They must have strong grounds men for them to pull through. That is where I come in. My name, which has spread like bush fire to the neighbouring communities has compelled aspirants to sought after me.  They are trying to convince me to be their pointman in Majimarefu and even Majimafupi. Well, that comes with a price. As you all know, this dry season, my farming output has gone on a go-slow. This has forced me to look for alternative ways of ensuring abundant flow of food to my angels. I reluctantly had to offload some girls for marriage. Although they hadn’t fully attained 17 years, the maximum age of marriage as stipulated in my constitution, I decided to marry them off so that we can use the dowry for our family survival. 

The Misery of an unregistered voter

As the deadline for the IEBC voter registration looms, several Kenyans with myself inclusive risk being locked out of this noble process. And this is not attributed to my apathy but rather for reasons that are beyond my control. The IEBC, has categorically instructed voter registration clerks to turn away Kenyans who do not possess original identity card or passport away even if they are eligible to vote. That is where my beef with Isack Hassan’s IEBC battalion begins.

  When this once in five year exercise began, I, like many other patriotic Kenyans was excited to jump into the bandwagon of the engineers of change. I was ready to register until muggers came knocking by my door. These armed young men spare my life but could not spare my wallet with which my national identity card was among the untraceable contents. Coincidentally, these deadly men took my identity card when I needed it most. I was planning to resister as a voter the same day.

 In order to beat the deadline as stipulated by the IEBC, I rushed to the nearby police station where I obtained an abstract. With hope that IEBC had factored in such unforeseen circumstances, I went to the registration center armed with the abstract. To prove my authenticity even further, carried with me the photocopy of my identity card, my ATM, my original certificates and even business card. But to my utter disappointment, I was turned away from Plainsview registrastion center in South B and was told that anything shot of original identiy card or passport was not negotiable. I walked away crestfallen knowing that the dream of being part of the change that I always advocated for had been mercilessly shattered.

Averagely, it takes more than a month for one’s identity card to be ready. In this case, mine will be ready in January, the time when the deadline would be long overdue. My friends too, who are in the same boat, will not be registered.

 Of course the mess am in could have been easily avoided if the local municipality had mounted security lights leading to my estate with police making early morning patrols to protect hard working Kenyans like me who wake up at 5am for work.

To add insult to my injury, IEBC, ironically are confirming my eligibility by sending endless messages on my phone reminding me on the need to register. I should not be blamed for the debacle  am in, what happened was beyond my control.

Finally, my question to the IEBC is, why didn’t they factor in such unfortunate circumstances? Why can’t they use police abstract and other documents to register? No one is immune from misplacing his or her identity card. It can happen to anybody. Is there no help? It is only hours before the deadline and I wish my cry for help will reach the ears of Isack Hassan. I may be one Kenyan, but I believe I am a mouthpiece of other thousands of Kenyans caught in the same pandemonium.

SAMWEL BORN MAINA

ID: 26216056

If Caroline Mutoko Apologizes, She would be demeaning herself

As expected, the most successful radio queen in Kenya,Caroline Mutoko ,recently got a heated backlash from angry social media family for her facebook sentiments after a fan posted on her wall. Well, I may not agree with the way she handled the matter 100% but one thing is indeed for sure, many of the social media users use it wrongly. The cold war waged against her is preposterous. We demonstrated our idleness by throwing abuses at her rather than discussing issues.

For instance, that post could have provided a platform for discussing Safaricom in detail. Indeed, personally, I have felt the pinch of Safaricom for a long time and nothing would thrill me more than asking Bob Collymore why the tariffs are excruciating high. The reply from the Caroline was unexpected. First, she referred the lady as idle for posting on her wall. She did not generalize. If she did, then, she would be in the same bunch of idlers. She particularly referred to the lady.

The war directed to Caroline is hatred that is baseless. Members of the social media were actually waiting for such an opportune moment to pour out their venom that was held for a long time. Others even went ahead to form pages that specifically wishing her an unforeseen demise. That is hatred. That is pathetic and hurting. The engineers of such pages, I assume, have got parents or people they care about. How will you feel someone wishing them death? Not good. Don’t you think that she has a family.People who look upto her? They were hurt.

As much as she made a mistake, I feel that she should not apologize. Infact, Kenyans should ask for her forgiveness. Am talking about those who actively threw abuses at her. She is an outstanding iron lady, who has achieved so much. Many think that she is full of braggadocio, proud and bad. Well, I think she is not. She is just being herslf. She is rich. She worked to reach where she is for a long time.

 Social media is a platform that has a double aged sword. It can be used to completely destroy someone or create them. Listen to her show, do you know how much impact she has had for our society. Take time. Don’t haul your abuses to her even when you do not really know the update she made. I believe many of you, did not see. You were just abusing out of hate. Read keenly the exact text below and from there make your judgment whether to abuse or indeed shut up.

Well, here is the tex that landed her into trouble;

AGAIN! IT IS A BABY GIRL

VILLAGE HERO

I do not know how to break this news to you. I was crestfallen when i received them and for the first time i wish that the land i was standing on would crack and swallow me alive, i could not withstand the news. After nine rambunctious months, a dark cloud spread in my compound after Sese, our family 'doctor' spilled the beans to the awaiting invited visitors from the neighboring villages. Abby, my acting 'small' wife, had given birth to a girl once again contrary to what Sese had assured me. Hell broke loose. I became furious upon realizing that she played me into believing me that the baby that Abby was carrying was a boy. Would Abby be complacent to this ploy that was well engineered? Was she worried that i would kick her out after realizing that she was to give birth to a girl once again after nine attempts of getting a 'metal'? I joined other men who had gathered in my well furnished sitting room in condemning 'our' women. I agreed with them that our women were out to frustrate us by intentionally giving birth to girls.

 Well, you can agree with me now that i want to go fishing once again. This is war. I will not relent until i get a 'metal'. I am tired of having weak images in my compound. When will i ever take my child to school? Although some 'wazungus' came to my compound to preach to me to take my girls to school, i consider that a waste of money.

Why I Should Be The Next Inspector General

By now, you should all know that my education records are outstanding,and my brilliant mind is unmatched. Equally, my way of reasoning cannot be compared by anyone in Maji Mafupi or Maji Marefu. That is why when the position of the Inspector General came up, my impeccable record in Maji Mafupiallowed me to apply. Of course there were haters who appeared to be so sure that i will not even be shortlisted to place my application letter in a post office. As you all known, beneath the camaraderie and the benign face that Sitayi wears, lies hatred and jealous directed towards me. That however did not deter me from sitting down with Abigael and drawing a curriculum vitae that would win me that coveted job. After all, writing a CV was just a formality. My brother's wife's uncle-Oriaro who is an AP posted in Shauri Moyo in a city called Nairobi had promised me that he will push my case to ensure that i get the job. 

You all remember, Oriaro, has blood relation with Iteere,so securing a job as an Inspector General for me would not be an issue. So i and Abigael ensured that my CV was as short as possible to avoid confusing panelists with a lot of irrelevant information. That is why i did not attend secondary school in the first place. By the time i reached in class 8, i knew that secondary school was irrelevant because i was knowledgeable and clever to sit in those classes. My father had also transferred his wealth to me.  Anyway, my CV and application letter appeared like this:

Dear Sir/Madam,

 Greetings from Maji Mafupi. I am writing this missive to apply for a position of the Inspector General that is currently not occupied. Although i know that you might have heard about me on several occasions, it is rather prudent for me to briefly explain the wonders i have done to ensure that Maji Mafupi is a secured village. As you know, i personally led a revolution that saw the ejection of Otara, the village elder when he tried to favor Sitayi to be the Chairman of Maji Mafupi market. I could not tolerate such high profiled impunity. That is why together with Patasi and village boys, after visiting Kemunto for regular Puya dose, we held a demo to ensure that Otara had ceased to be elder. Together with other security measures that i had put up, i believe that i can extend my wisdom to the national level. Below is my CV.

                      CURRICULUM VITAE

NAME:  OKIRO OPINI

DATE OF BIRTH:   NOT NECESSARY

ID NUMBER:          AT MAJI MAREFU,WE KNOW EACH OTHER WELL

LANGUAGE:        WILL SPREAD TRIBALISM

EDUCATION

NURSERY:    DID NOT ATTEND, HOWEVER WAS VERY HARD WORKING THEN

PRIMARY SCHOOL:   BUGO, NYASORE, RATETI, NYAIGESA, MOKOMONI. I COMPLETED MY STUDIES IN NYAKEMINCHA AND SCORED A RECORD OF    102 MARKS.

SECONDARY SCHOOL: N/A

UNIVERSITY:                    N/A

WORK EXPERINCE

FOR ONE YEAR I WAS CUTTING NAPIER GRASS FOR NYAUNDI. FOR THREE YEARS I WENT TO NAIROBI WHERE I MANAGED TO WORK AT INDUSTRIAL AREA AS A LUGGAGE CARRIER.

SINCE THEN UP TO NOW: WATCHMAN AT OKORA'S COMPOUND.AM RESPONSIBLE FOR ENSURING THAT NO ONE LEAVES OR ENTERS WITHOUT PROPER CLEARANCE.

Anyway, i know i will be considered for the job and that my track record that speaks for itself will give me an upper hand in becoming the next Inspector General.

yours faithfully,

okiro Opini.

WHY I THINK THE GOVERNMENT HAS WAGED WAR AGAINST ME

VILLAGE HERO

It is crystal clear that the recent amendment of a bill that seeks to limit the number of households in Kenya was specifically directed at me. As you all know, my intention of smashing my father's record of having 100 kids is facing a hurdle of a lifetime after the Ministry of Birth Control gave a directive requiring each household to have a maximum of two children. To me that is preposterous considering the fact that Abigael, my acting 'small' wife is expecting her sixth child with the low number attributed to the negligence of Sese, the village midwife, during Abby's second, fifth, eighth and ninth birth that saw the products succumb due to birth related complication which Sese said was as a result of not eating 'stones' as she had adviced Abby during her regular pre-natal 'clinic' check-ups. Although her argument was sound, I am contemplating looking for alternative ways of ensuring that my sixth child who to my exhilaration according to doctor Sese might be a boy, will live to see the world.

A LETTER TO KENYANS

Dear Kenyans,

Yesterday I wrote a letter of concern to ICC Chief Prosecutor Fatou Bensouda and with it I was slapped with a backlash from a section of furious Kenyans who, in their wisdom, thought that I was driven by selfish ambitions and that my intentions were shenanigan in nature. Abuses were hurled at me by others who thought that I was paid to write the letter. Well, I am a Kenyan, apart from exercising my freedom of speech, I am also concerned. Am concerned about my tomorrow.

A LETTER TO FATOU BENSOUDA

Dear Bensouda, 
May i congratulate you upon your appointment to take the reigns of Louis Moreno Ocampo as the ICC Chief Prosecutor. Indeed it is a rare privilege that was conferred to a woman. Understandably, as you entered to your office, the diary was dominated with Kenya's PEV cases. Ocampo, after doing shoddy investigations left you a lot of work load. Madam Prosecutor, every dream of a lawyer and prosecutor is to see that their cases win. I know you are determined. You are determined to see that those indicted are nailed. 
On the flip side, may i brief you on what has taken place here since 2007. We have healed. We have forgiven and reconciled. The once grave enemies are sharing a roof. Our Government has ensured that Kenya is a haven of peaceful coexistence. We no longer hate each other,, we no longer spit to each other. We are 42 tribes under the umbrella Kenya. That is why, you are hearing of political alliances. They are ingredients of a peaceful Kenya. Can you imagine A Kikuyu voting a Kalenjin and vice versa? Yes, the scars are healed, we are determined to see our nation prosper.
Your presence however, is sending chills down our spines. Before we reconciled, hatred dominated. You have come to open a pandora box which we were willing to throw into the ocean. I believe, the witnesses at the ICC are from the warring tribes. Their submissions are likely to hurt our coexistence. Infact, instead of solving the problem, it might trigger more problems. Why do we use fire to quench fire? Most of the fighting took place in the Rift Valley. And am not shy to say that it was between the Kalenjis and the Agikuyus. The two tribes under the auspices of their leaders have reconciled. The hatred is no more. That is why Ruto and Uhuru are ready to work together. That is why Ann Njeri easily dropped sexual charges against Ezekiel Kemboi. We, are doing something to heal ourselves.
Yes, we all are happy to see justice rendered to the victims. But at what cost. Madam Prosecutor, your timing is bad. The ICC cannot send you to Kenya when campaigns are heating up. When we are about to elect a new President. When two of the suspects are criss-crossing the country winning the hearts of many. As you know, the opinion polls are favouring the joint candidature of the two. One of them is likely to be President. They are famous! That is undisputed. Do you think their fans will sit back and watch their masters taken away? No! They will fight back. We need a peaceful nation, we do not want unnecessary anxiety. 
Our judiciary has undergone major changes. Even the might are being locked behind bars. That is why i think Kenya is ready to handle her domestic problems. ICC, is only meant for the nations that lack proper judicial systems. It is preposterous that the ICC does not appreciate the progress we have made as a country in transforming the Judiciary.
May i finally ask you to urge the ICC to distance itself from Kenya, at least for now. Allow Kenya to form a local tribunal, if it fails, then you will have all the justification of returning. But Eastern Africa still needs you. Sudan to be specific. Concentrate on Bashir before coming to a democratic Kenya. I am writing this letter becasue i mind of my future here. I want to prosper. I want to have a happy family. That can be achieved if we remain in peace, like now. Not after you take the four. My university lecturer taught me that, one can smell a crisis. She taught me that a crisis can be curbed at an early stage. We are lucky because we are at an early stage. Leave Kenya to determine her own destiny. We can even go for a referendum if need be. 
Thank you and safe journer to Netherlands. Say hello to Ekatrina Trendafilova. Tell her we named our kids after her when she was busy confirming Ruto, Uhuru, Sang and Muthaura.

YOURS SINCERELY,
SAMWEL BORN MAINA.
A KENYAN FROM THE ABAGUSII TRIBE.

President Obama’s full speech at the 2012 Democratic National Convention

 Here is the speech transcript presented by USA President Barrack Obama while accepting nomination to run for presidency for the second term.......................

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Thank you. (Sustained cheers, applause.) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.
AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Thank you.
AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!
PRESIDENT OBAMA: Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you very much, everybody. (Cheers, applause.) Thank you.
Michelle, I love you so much. (Cheers, applause.)
A few nights ago, everybody was reminded just what a lucky man I am. (Cheers, applause.)
Malia and Sasha, we are so proud of you. (Cheers, applause.) And yes, you do have to go to school in the morning. (Chuckles.) (Laughter, applause.)
And Joe Biden, thank you for being the very best vice president I could have ever hoped for — (cheers, applause) — and being a strong and loyal friend.
Madam Chairwoman, delegates, I accept your nomination for president of the United States. (Cheers, applause.)........